Posts Tagged ‘funny’

There’s a book that sits in my toilet, and I’m sure many others, called The Darwin Awards. The Darwin Awards are for those that are deemed to have done evolution a favour by their departure and dedicated to those that have left this mortal coil in the dumbest way.

A startling amount of these award winners involve garden sheds.

For example..

Over in France this February, a 71-year old pensioner decided to illuminate his shed and garden with power siphoned from the National Grid. The Frenchman illegally opened a major power junction box at the front of his maison to hard-wire a cable to his garden shed. While it was raining. He was electrocuted declared dead at the scene.

Another shed victim

Another shed victim

There’s an honorable mention to a man who, in 2002, was hell-bent on defending his shed. To prevent burglars breaking into his shed in Holland, the man built a booby trap, using ropes and a shotgun aimed at the door. Now, anyone who’s ever seen a cartoon knows this is a bad idea.

However, this 66-year-old obviously hadn’t and was so proud of his work he demonstrated his trap to two friends. His well constructed booby trap managed to shoot him in the abdomen and lower arm. The man only gains an honourable mention as an emergency operation saved him.

Makes you wonder what he had in his shed, turned out it was 15 full grown marijuana plants.

At least it wasn’t a grenade…

Back in 2005 a semi-retired Croatian man decided to head to his shed and create a tool for cleaning the chimney. It was too tall a task for ta broom but if he could attach a brush to a chain and weigh it down with something… that might work. But with what? Well why not a grenade? Yep. It’s small, heavy and made of metal so it could be welded to the chain.

Doesn’t matter that it’s full of explosive, right? Again; anyone who’s seen a cartoon… When the welding torch heated the metal of the grenade it exploded, killing the man instantly, destroying the shed and the Mercedes parked outside.

Of course, there’s lessons to learn here. Don’t try messing with the national power grid, especially in the rain. Don’t smoke a lot weed and keep shotguns and don’t take explosives into your garden sheds to heat them up. Or heat them up at all.

Which begs the question: What was this guy thinking?

t640_shed_siding_6

Flammable gas canister, damp environment, shed… better prepare the Darwin Award.

While stumbling around the Internet looking at the news in the automotive world I came across this video.  “Shanghai Lady” as she’s become known returns to her lovely new Chevrolet Captiva to find it’s become the victim of the tow truck.

She deals with it thusly:

Now that’s testament to the power of a new Chevrolet. Chevvy 1 : Shanghai Council 0

Not sure if this was used as an argument for the future of GM during their recent bail-out talks over in the U.S though.

Getting up in the mornings for work invariably follows the same routine for me which concludes with my polishing off a bowl of cereal and bucket of coffee infront of some mindless television for ten minutes or so before, lately at least, going outside and muttering obscenities under my breath while scraping ice from my car.

This morning I flicked the channels one further thanks to clumsiness on the remote and found that Noddy is still showing. While this isn’t one of the shows I remember from my own childhood I was discussing those that I do at lunch today and was shocked to find that Postman Pat had been remade and evolved into some kind of special delivery service. A little discussion revealed the fact that this isn’t the only one, there were new episodes of the Magic Roundabout made too! In my opinion they nailed the coffin lid on that one with the film.

I’m not sure why I’m shocked, perhaps because these are so tightly tied in with memories of my youth that I feel affronted somehow. This was my childhood tv why can’t today’s kids get their own? What’s next? Are they going to remake The Centurions or Ulysees 31?!

Postman Pat et al were great because they were different, the animation wasn’t hand drawn and this was before claymation became so widespread and evolved. A show about a postman and his cat wouldn’t be much of an attention holder were it not for the animation.

It’s also part of what I consider a lack of imagination in entertainment from television to film. I, for one, am sick of remakes.  I don’t want to see a new Fireman Sam series anymore than I wanted to see a new Pink Panther remake. It was successful once, leave it alone or you risk damaging the legacy of the original (yeah, George Lucas).

What if this re-make fever spread outside of the entertainment world?

Apple aren’t about to start remaking the Macintosh 128k or Apple Newton (boy did I want one of those) anymore than you’ll see a remake of the Acorn Electron.

If the automotive world started remaking discontinued models would we see the new Toyota MR-2 with 1985 styling? Though that may not be too bad an idea… Or a new Vauxhall Cavalier?

The same applies here as it does in entertainment, these were great, innovative creations and the ideas were original. They’ve had their time and now it’s time to move on.

If I find out there’s some Morph remakes out there I’m going to be extremely unamused.

For those who doubt they were great:

You may remember that I recently bought myself an early Christmas present in the form of some Xbox headphones. I have no quibbles with them and have been enjoying playing without complaints about volume since and am constantly enveloped in game noise.

As anyone who’s played online will tell you, one of the ‘pleasures’ that accompanies killing strangers is the noise of 12 year old American kids complaining at you in rather undignified ways.

I don’t think I could put it all as nicely as this article entitled “Top Ten Things We’ve Learned From Our Xbox Live Headset” manages to with a good quota of hilarity.

I especially like number 9 which points out your Daddy “…was born many years after you. Anyone you encounter on Xbox Live may well be in possession of a time machine, and his shrill, preadolescent insults should be received with appropriate respect. Filial piety demands that you let him take your head off with a needlegun.”

I can’t count the number of times I’ve been about to respond factually when asked “who’s your daddy?!” or even told that my father is, in fact, not my daddy, and my actual daddy is at least a decade and a half younger than me (judging by the pitch of his voice).

All good fun and part of attraction of online gaming. Without it would platforms have evolved so far?